While I was looking for pictures to use for my blog yesterday, I realised it has been a whole year since I went to Taupo with my boyfriend. We visited Hobbiton, Huka Falls and Lava Glass (a glass sculpture garden and workshop). While we were down there and I took so many photos (including the one above) and planned to use this trip to set up my blog. I wanted to write about all the awesome things we did and new things we experienced.
Then my self-doubt and worry set in. What if I was shit at writing? What if no one reads my blog? What if no one cares about what I have to say? What if someone I know reads my blog and makes fun of me? I was too scared to start a blog because I was worried about all the bad things that might happen if I took that step and put myself out there.
Recently I’ve been listening to guided meditations to help me silence my mind and fall asleep. One that I particularly enjoy and have listened to multiple times, is about worrying. It talks about how humans are one of the only species in the world that can imagine different possible outcomes for our actions. It’s like our very own super power in nature. But so many people only use this ability to imagine the worst possible outcomes, like the ones that stopped me from starting a blog.
There’s really no use in imagining the worst, because it makes you experience this awful outcome for no reason. If it ends up happening, that sucks! But at least you only experienced it once. Imagining and experiencing the outcome multiple times isn’t going to make you better prepared for if it really happens.
Since this startling revelation, I’ve started trying to steer my thoughts away from the negative and towards positive possible outcomes. Like what if I end up making internet friends and surrounding myself with wonderful people I meet through blogging? What if one day, my experience blogging and the writing practice it will give me lands me a dream job? Or a post of mine goes viral and I end up being able to make blogging my full time job? How would I feel, if one day something I have written makes someone think differently about themselves and helps them to understand their life a little better? Some of those possibilities are just as unlikely as all of the negative ones I let myself think about, but much nicer to experience repeatedly.
Life is all about learning and developing, no matter how old you are. This blog is a place where I can learn about myself and develop my writing at the same time. Life is going to be much nicer when I’m not always imagining and experiencing my own failures time and again. Sure, some of my posts may be absolute garbage but some of them will also be pretty good. Even if I do say so myself.
As Jake the Dog says, “Sucking at something is the first step of becoming sorta good at something.”